Hold Out
by OSL
Summary: Elphaba's pov starting at the City of Emeralds part of the book. Gelphie/Fiyeraba. Changed my mind about this being a one shot.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer:_ I don't own Wicked

_Author's Note:_ Elphaba's pov starting with the City of Emeralds chapter of the book. It follows the book very closely, so there are a few borrowed lines. Hope it's enjoyable. Not sure if this will just be a one-shot, if it's not, then an update might take awhile.

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"Hold out, if you can," she murmured, and kissed her again. "Hold out, my sweet." Brown eyes pleaded with Glinda before they turned away…

..

Elphaba woke with a shutter. _ Another nightmare…_ No, it was no nightmare, just those damned memories that threatened to rage down on her and drown her, like a huge wave. She had tried convincing herself that she had made the right choice, and usually she could talk herself into believing that lie, except on nights like this.

And as she had done the day after, and all those other day afters, she made her way down to the chapel in Saint Glinda's Square. Lace shawl carefully draped over her hair that was held up with ivory corkscrews, a little gift Glinda never knew she gave Elphie. But that's okay, the radiant blonde would never miss them.

Back of the chapel, in the last isle, tucked away like some sanctuary was a small alter for the good saint. Never one for religion, Elphaba didn't come here for prayer, she came to ask forgiveness from Glinda, not the one depicted in the stained fresco before her, but the one still in her heart. It never worked though, the demons of her past always snuck in, gnawing, biting, and clawing their way past the green woman's defenses to leave her weak, and helpless. Today was no different…

"Elphaba!"

She heard a familiar voice call out her name; she hadn't actually heard her real name said for quite some time. Turning slowly, her eyes came to rest upon the intruder to her refuge.

"Elphaba, it's Fiyero." The figure positioned itself in the doorway.

She cursed under breath, she was supposed to be hiding and no one was supposed to know who she was. How could she finish what she started if there were those that knew? She tried to play it off, maybe she could convince him that he was mistaken. It didn't work though, he knew exactly who she was, and he wasn't giving up. _I guess it's not so bad, being found out by Fiyero, we were all friends once, weren't we?_

"Fine, in an hour then,…" she rattled off somewhere to meet when she was done with her 'meditation'. Of course she wouldn't show up, just seeing him reminded her too much of what she had left behind.

Finally, left alone with her own thoughts, she murmured one last thing, "Hold out, my sweet."

She crept out of the servants' entrance not more than three minutes after she told the Vinkus prince she would meet him near the fountain. Part of her almost convinced her that she needed to see him, but the risk of exposure was too overwhelming for her. Besides, when she had saw him, those dear, bitter sweet memories of Shiz came to the forefront again and it took all her willpower to push them back.

Reaching the boarded-up corn exchange, she quickly unlocked it and slipped inside, but not before she heard her name.

"Fabala!"

She had turned, immediately recognizing that it was Fiyero, and cursed under her breath. She tried to shut the door, but he was a bit too quick and planted his foot in the way. She had begged him to leave, to leave her alone. It was better for both of them, but he was as stubborn as she was head-strong, so not to draw any more attention to the pair of them, she swung the door open, allowing Fiyero to fall inside.

They talked about the normal 'how's life' question, Fiyero not saying much about his, and Elphaba giving up even less about hers. Of course, the conversation steered around to those good ol' days at Shiz, and though she shouldn't, the green girl couldn't help but ask about Glinda.

The blue-diamonded man casually spoke those words that threatened to rip her apart, "…she married a Paltos baronet."

Elphaba felt the rage fill her, and those demons snickering and laughing. How could she have thought that Glinda would wait for her? It had been too many years, and Glinda too pretty a girl, well woman. Her reply was a little more stiff and surly than she wanted, "Not a baron or a viscount at least? What a disappointment." Trying to casually turn the conversation away from the blonde, she practically accused him of being in the Wizard's pocket. He denied it of course, and she found the more time she spent talking to him, the more she missed her friends.

Although the two of them hadn't been that close, Elphaba started taking a certain comfort in Fiyero. That wasn't good, she was still underground, still in hiding, and she now cared too much for him to let him die for her causes. He had a wife and children to think of, and she had… no one.

"Godspeed, Fiyero." She almost threw his cape at him and then held out her hand. He wrapped his fingers around her, the contact sending a shock through her entire body. The swirl of her hidden emotions flickered across her face before she could get in control of them again. _Damnit!_

They met a few more times after that, against Elphaba's protests that they could never meet again. She had allowed it though, seeing Fiyero made her feel less lonely, and in some twisted way, it made her think of him as a connection to Glinda. The conversations were enjoyable enough; it allowed her to get caught up on the lives of the others, Boq, Crope, Tibbett and Avaric. Elphaba found her eyes studying that blue-diamond pattern that was etched across his dark face, it was intriguing, and she had always liked the tattoo, ever since their school days.

He spoke about his home life when she asked if he was intending to spend the entire autumn season in the city. She was a bit shocked when he mentioned he married a harem, but he explained it away, saying how she wouldn't understand; after all, she wasn't married.

Her mind immediately flashed to that perky blond from her past, and without thinking, she said, "I am married, just not to a man."

She saw his reaction just as she realized what she had said. _Oh, Glinda!_ Elphaba looked away to cover her utter regret those memories at her one decision to abandon her love brought. "Oh damn, tears, they burn like fire." She raced to grab a blanket, in a desperate attempt to stop the onslaught of those searing drops.

Next thing she knew, she was yelling out her anguish, and the man who had become her comfort, took her in his arms. She melted, physically releasing the pain she had held for so long. They fell together, in a heated passion, and in that moment, he was her only connection to _her_, to Glinda.

In time, she grew to love him after a fashion, though he never had full command of her heart. Even on those awful nights, when her demons flittered through her dreams, Fiyero would hold her, giving her the strength and reassurance she needed. Yero, my hero, she had called him, and he was her hero. His warmth and companionship had brought her back from a dark place, and even held some of those evil spirits at bay.

It wasn't long until the days had grown colder, and Lurlinemas was close at hand. And they argued more about what Elphaba had to do. Fiyero just couldn't understand, and try as she might, she couldn't get it through his thick skull. He even went as far to joke about praying for her at the Saint Glinda chapel. Fae rounded on Yero, "No!" How dare he? That was her place and hers alone. She loved him, but would never let him tread on that sacred alcove. The problem is this time it was bigger than her last missions, this time, she had to take out the woman who had once thought to enslave Elphaba, Madam Morrible.

So, she left him, with a promise on his lips to be careful, and she disappeared out into the bitter day. Her first stop was the chapel for some last minute guidance and strength. "Glinda, my sweet," she whispered to the image before her, "Forgive me if I do not see you again in this life." Elphie pressed her finger tips to her lips, then against the fresco before rising and making her way outside.

She marched on, as if she was made of gears and metal, letting nothing catch her attention or distract her from the task at hand. The billowing snow was the only annoyance and she kept wrapping her cloak tighter around her. Finally, the verdant woman reached her destination, the Lady's Mystique, it was a theatre situated on the outskirts of Goldhaven.

It was only a matter of time before her mark appeared. In a pompous display of silver, silk, and power, the fish-woman swept out of the carriage amongst a crowd of theatre goers. The green assassin's piercing gaze never left Morrible as she prepared the weapon.

This might have been Fae's mission, but Elphaba took this a bit more personal than she should have. Weapon primed, she started to ease it out of her cloak, when suddenly a barrage of schoolgirls wrapped themselves around Madame Morrible, singing loudly. Elphaba froze in disbelief, those demons of hers whispering into her ear to just go ahead, wasn't the death of a few to save thousands worth it? She wrestled with them, even with her lack of faith in whatever gods there were, she wouldn't murder without reason.

This delay that the fighting in Fae's conscious caused was the time that Morrible needed as she passed into the open doors of the theatre, out of harm's way. She had failed, _failed,_ it echoed in her head. Her mind suddenly not her own, she fell back against a pillar, then slinked into the darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

_Thanks to Kirra White Tigress for the review, it is much appreciated!_

_I don't own Wicked,_

_and one more point, I got bored and decided not to make this a one shot, but re-reading through parts of the book I realized there were things I left out in the first part, so I guess I'll label this slightly AU._

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She had roamed the dark and sometimes deserted alleyways that wound throughout the city. Elphaba spoke with her demons, arguing and agreeing at the same time. One mission, the one mission that she had truly taken to heart and the one mission she had miserably failed. Without realizing it, she found herself across town, in Merchant Row. Shops sparkled brilliantly with decorative holiday candles, their doors and windows encased in garland and tinsel that assaulted Elphaba's eyes, making her squint.

It was gaudy to say the least; cheap trinkets and wildly expensive clothes competed for the masses' money. The failed assassin shook her head in disgust, and wrapped the purple and gold scarf tighter. Taking a few steps out into the crowded, slushy streets, she took a deep breath, scanning both the people and the store windows. The snow had wound down somewhat, but what was she to do? Move on is what. There was no way of telling if she had been compromised, best to gather what little personal items she had and leave. And what about Fiyero? _It was best to leave him too_, the hissing voices mocked her mercilessly. _How easily she left anyone she cared about._ But Elphaba was too weary to fight back. They were right though, how easily she left. Perhaps, that was all she was good at.

Turning to shove her way past the throng of holiday shoppers, a flash of something caught her eye in a nearby store. Stopping at the edge of the window, Elphaba peered in, and caught her breath. At the counter, she gazed upon 'her', that mass of blonde curls recognizable anywhere. It brought a pain to her heart as Elphaba felt like she had betrayed Glinda by being with him, with Fiyero. She tugged the wide brim of her pointed hat lower, trying to stare and not give herself away at the same time. The maniacal laughter of her demons grew louder in the back of her head, drowning out all sound. Glinda, _her_ Glinda was chattering on about something to the sales woman who nodded to everything like they were words coming from the Unnamed God himself.

The broken woman studied the features of the blonde she hadn't seen in so long. She was older now, but just as beautiful. Those bright, red, pouty lips were still a nice contrast to her creamy complexion, and Elphaba wondered if her skin was still as soft as it had been years ago. Wrestling with herself, she almost took a step towards the door, when her voices reminded her of Fiyero's words, '…married a Paltos baronet'. She narrowed her eyes suddenly, after all, hadn't Glinda betrayed her, by marrying this baronet? Claws tightened around her heart, shooting a mix of anger, jealousy, and sadness through Elphaba. Glinda was lost to her, but it was for the best she thought, as she made her way back to her alcove above the corn exchange.

It was the smell that hit her first as she opened the heavy door. A sharp coppery scent that overloaded her senses causing her demons to chortle and cackle. Part of her wanted to race up the stairs, to see what she probably already knew, but the logical part of her won out and slowly, silently, Elphaba climbed the soiled stairs.

It was as she had imagined. The glow of a dying fire was just enough to outline the scene before her. Blood, it was everywhere, red splatters adorned the walls like some twisted Lurlinemas decoration. Of her white cat, Malky, there was no sign. Elphaba feared the worse as she slowly entered the large room. She stood in the center, eyes wide, taking it all in. Whose blood was it? _You know_, They whispered to her, _it is your fault after all_. She was responsible, as if she had strangled him herself, with her slender green hands.

There, laying half in the long shadows cast by the low light was a piece of cloth. She tried to explain it away as she knelt beside what she saw was a stained cape, Fiyero's cape. A tentative hand reached out, finger tips brushing against the fabric before grabbing it quickly and clenching it to her. Leaning over, she screamed out her anguish as her demons cruelly shrieked out their victory. Not only had she lost Glinda, but Fiyero was lost to her as well. Hands darted out, almost slipping in the dark liquid as she tried to steady herself. Hot, searing tears burned her skin as her body was racked with sobs. She had always been by herself, but now she was truly alone.

Elphaba-Fabala-Elphie-Fae stumbled back down the filth encrusted stairs and out into the night. Wondering aimlessly, yet with a purpose, as her feet eventually carried her to the Cloister of Saint Glinda. There were flashes of a bell sounding, and being lead inside; of drawing back quickly at the sight of water and the blood of her adulterous lover being wiped from her guilty green hands. She stared unblinking as whoever was with her, led her to a chair and covered her with a blanket. "Don't…" was all Elphaba said to the statement of prayer that had filtered through her waking nightmare. Then the figure was gone, and left the pale woman to the hunger of her own inner demons.


End file.
